


Aren't You...?

by UAs_Fics



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, One-Shot, mentioned past kydi, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 06:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16510691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UAs_Fics/pseuds/UAs_Fics
Summary: For every advantage not having a secret identity had, there was always a disadvantage Jimmy had to deal with as well.





	Aren't You...?

* * *

* * *

The train car was mostly empty, which left Jimmy somewhat disappointed. Sitting around on the train to people watch gave him some of his best bits. 

Where would the name 'Jimmy Valmer' be in the comedian circles if he didn't have his Bible Throw Down story? 

Of course, the story itself had some embellishment to it, but it wasn't fully made-up. Jimmy was witness to two old women getting up in each other's faces, and one of them _did_ raise her Bible to smack the other, but the fight didn't escalate as far as Jimmy's routine claimed.

Fastpass stepped in before that could happen.

He shouldn't be too surprised at the emptiness of the train, really. It was late, and this train didn't run between any major factories or nightclubs. 

The only other passengers were a person sleeping in the corner, a bottle in a paper bag between her shoes, and another person sitting in the middle of the car, staring down at his phone.

Jimmy slipped into a seat and took off his crutches. He set them beside him before leaning back and shutting his eyes.

Maybe this was a blessing, more so than the Bible Throw Down, even. Some quiet time would do him good. 

It seemed that lately, the city was more chaotic than normal: crime was on the rise, villains with superpowers kept popping up, not to mention the recent bout of fights and arguing amongst the city's heroes.

Just a week ago, Mosquito and ToolShed got into a spat over something or another and fucked up a local park. The media was still having a field day with that story.

All the heroes have been staying on their best behavior since then in an attempt to keep their reputations on the up and up. Jimmy included. That was the main reason he wasn't running home. The last thing he needed was the tabloids getting wind that he had gotten another speeding ticket or that he'd broken traffic laws again.

"Um, hey, excuse me?" 

Jimmy opened his eyes. The person who was sitting in the middle of the train now stood in front of him.

"Yeah?" Jimmy shifted so he was sitting up straight. 

"Are you..." The person paused a moment, and Jimmy reflexively tensed for what was coming.

_'Are you_ the _Fastpass?_ '

For every advantage not having a secret identity had, there was always a disadvantage he had to deal with as well. This particular disadvantage was his least favorite.

Everyone knew him as 'Fastpass', the speedy fighter for justice first and foremost, not 'Jimmy Valmer,' stand up comedian, or 'Jimmy Valmer,' newspaper reporter. Jimmy was proud of the good he'd done as Fastpass, but the fact it erased all his other accomplishments annoyed him to no end.

There wasn't much he could do to prevent it though, so instead he prepared for the onslaught of usual questions.

"You're Jimmy Valmer, right?"

Jimmy blinked. His brain froze a moment before the word sunk in.

"Y-yes. That's me!" Jimmy brightened. He held out his hand with a grin. "And you?"

The person grinned back before taking his hand and shaking. "Kyle. It's so cool to meet you."

"Likewise," Jimmy replied, "I love meeting fans!" He paused a moment, before picking up his crutches from the seat beside him and moved them so they were between his knees.

"Wanna take a seat and ch-chat?" He patted the seat beside him. 

Kyle looked apprehensive until Jimmy flashed an encouraging smile, then he slipped into the seat.

"So, what brings you out on this glorious night? The am-amb-ambiance of the train or the company?" Jimmy waved his hand to the train drunk in the corner.

Kyle covered his smile. "I'm heading home from a friend's house, actually. He just moved out from his ex-girlfriend's, and he's still getting over it."

"Ah," Jimmy nodded, "A br-broken heart can change a good man in so many ways."

Kyle snorted. "He'll get over it. He's just pissed a friend told his ex something he'd said in confidence about her." He shook his head. 

Jimmy rested his chin on his crutches. In his mind's eye, he replayed the argument between Mosquito and ToolShed. Apparently, the argument started after Mosquito mentioned some less than savory information about Shed to Call Girl.

It was almost funny how something so ordinary could cause so much damage among super powered men.

"I hope he and his friends, girl or o-otherwise, can work everything out." Jimmy offered.

"Yeah," Kyle sighed, a forlorn look crossing his face. 

"Something the matter, buddy?" Jimmy asked.

Kyle jumped. "Oh! No, no, I just--it's nothing. Personal stuff. A stranger like you wouldn't want to hear about it."

Jimmy turned his head to the side. "Strangers? We know each other's names, that makes us p-prac-pra--pretty much family." His eyes twinkled. "You can expect me over for Christmas dinner with how close we are now!"

Kyle chuckled and shook his head. "I'm Jewish, actually."

"Oh, Hanukkah then," Jimmy corrected. "I'll show up all eight nights and bring a cheese p-platter. Besides," he elbowed him, "if something is bothering you, talking tends to help, if you want."

Kyle chewed his lip a moment. "This isn't going to be used in any of your shows if I tell you?"

Jimmy crossed his heart. "I would never. Scout's honor."

Taking a breath, Kyle slumped forward a bit. He ran his hand through his thick, red curls. 

"My own girlfriend broke up with me recently as well." He admitted. 

Jimmy frowned before reaching over and setting a comforting hand on his should. "I'm s-sorry. That must be difficult."

Kyle shrugged a little. "The reason I know who you are as a comedian is that I took Heidi to one of your shows for her birthday. She really likes your anecdotes." He smiled softly at the memory for a moment. "I'd only knew you as a superhero until then, but you're really funny." 

"Out of the spandex and in, Jimmy Valmer loves to make people smile." Jimmy dropped his hand to his lap. "So, if you don't mind telling me, w-wh-what happened between you two?"

Kyle's smile fell. He looked down at his hands. "An old...'friend' of ours convinced her of some things about me that aren't true." When he said 'friend', he clenched his jaw for a heartbeat. "So, she left me, and I'm one hundred percent sure that jackass only told her what he told her because he's still in love with her."

"She and you're ex-friend were a thing?" Jimmy asked.

He nodded sharply. "Unfortunately." His hands clenched into fists. "It's not fair. I'm a thousand times better for her than him. He's just a manipulative asshole!" 

For just a fraction of a second, Jimmy swore he saw Kyle's eyes flash with a red glow. There was something familiar about it, but he couldn't place it.

Jimmy pushed the thought aside before he spoke. "I wish I could give you some advice here, but I th-think anything I have to say, you've probably already heard before."

Kyle let his shoulders slump forward. "You mean that sometimes people fall back into bad patterns? Or that bad people can hide how terrible they are?"

"Well, I was going to say you should try not to beat yourself up about it," Jimmy told him. "If this asshole is as bad as you say, then he wants you to feel t-terrible. If you instead stay strong and keep going on in your life, then you win."

Kyle blinked a few times as he mulled over Jimmy's words. "Yeah." He said slowly. "Yeah, that makes sense."

Jimmy flashed a smile. " _And_ when everything c-cr-crashes and burns for him, Heidi will see you're still going strong and want to come back to someone who can actually be there for her."

Kyle's eyes sparkled. All the sorrow that plagued his posture seemed to lift, and he raised himself up straight. His lips turned upwards.

"Yeah, you're right. Heidi will see Cartman's an asshole sooner or later. Even if she doesn't want to date me anymore, at least I can be there for her to help, right? I'm still her friend, regardless."

"Hell yeah!" Jimmy pumped his fist up in solidarity. 

The two shared wide grins before the train jerked to a stop. Kyle raised his head to look out the window to the station.

"Oh, it's my stop." He sounded a little disappointed. "I have to get home."

"Before you go!" Jimmy patted his pockets before pulling out a small notebook and pen. He flipped to a clean page then scribbled down a note before ripping it out.

Kyle took the note from his outstretched hand.

"What's this?"

"A ticket. If you ever need a smile, bring that to any of my shows," Jimmy explained. "Don't worry about security not letting you in. They know I do this all the time." 

Kyle looked at the note then up at Jimmy. He nodded before folding it up and slipping it into his pocket. 

"Thank you." Kyle waved as he headed out the door. "I'll be sure to drop by sometime soon."

"I l-look forward to seeing you!" Jimmy called, though the doors had already shut. He leaned back.

He wondered if Kyle would make up with his ex and start dating her again. If not, Jimmy thought he wouldn't mind trying to take Kyle out for a date himself. Someone like that didn't deserve to spend nights alone.

Especially when they didn't pigeonhole Jimmy as just a superhero but as a living, breathing, hilarious person.

A smile formed on his lips. He'd forgotten how nice it felt to be recognized for his personal talents, and not just his speed.

If Kyle showed up at his show, Jimmy vowed, he'd make sure he got a front row seat.

* * *

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon in the superhero AU that at the very least Jimmy is Iron Man-ing it up and is totally out with his super and civilian IDs.
> 
> [My writing tumblr](Https://uas-fics.tumblr.com)


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